Zidane who?

I. has often heard my rambling about one of the greatest soccer or football players that I have ever had the honor to watch. His name is Zidane and he plays for France. He's from North Africa. He has magnetic feet and a grace that is hard for a ballerina to accomplish. In short, he's magnificent. He is also, sadly, retiring from the sport. Zidane is a little bit older (34) than most on the field and has a long, brilliant run. No one can blame him for retiring now, but he will be missed by many in France and the rest of the world. If you do not know Zidane, look here and it will give you an idea of who he is and was.

* EDIT: 07/11/2006: What?? What was he thinking? His last game, the World Cup Final, and he goes and does this? Zidane gets a red card and is thrown out of the last game of his career, I don't believe it.

Turn Here?

Yesterday I took my brother into NYC to drive for the first time. He had something that he needed to take care of and Mom doesn't trust him driving on the Jersey side, so she really wasn't good to let him drive in NYC. She asked me to sort of babysit. Be his personal driver for lack of a better way to put it. I agreed on the condition that I get paid for the time away from work that I missed. It was the best deal I've ever made in my life. I have often said that I would not like to live in the city, I think I've changed my mind. I would love to live in the city as long as I lived in a good neighborhood (maybe the Village) and I didn't have a car. I love the pace of the city. It's like Jersey, but faster and angrier, without the amazing guzzling of gas.

We started out by going to the doctor's office where R. was to have spots on his skin looked at, just in case they might be cancerous. I sat in the car and mooched off someone else's wireless signal to apply for jobs. Then we dropped by the photo place so that he can prints to turn into modelling agencies. He's going to be famous one day. It turned out that the prints were going to take two hours to put together so lucky us, we got to drive around NYC and go to Joe's Pizza, which Mom introduced to us a very long time ago. It's sort of tradition for our family; go into the city, get a slice at Joe's, go to Rocco's and gte cannoli/chocolate mousse/iced coffee/ or whatever else your sweet tooth desires. Sadly we didn't have time to go to Rocco's yesterday, but we did have time to talk to each other, to argue about politics, to discuss current affairs, and to generally bond again. It was a very good day in the city, and what could be better than that? Oh yeah, getting paid as if I was at work for going into the city instead!

Later on, I., Mom, R., and I got chinese food from a place called Tina Louise. It's amazing, and tastes so good. Then I. and I went over to hers and I got to really try my new reading glasses. Oh yeah, I forgot! My new reading glasses. I have never had glasses before and always sort of wanted them. Well now I have them because I'm straining my left eye ball. My vision is still perfect, but would start to fail if I didn't take the proper precaution, so I will wear glasses when reading or working on a computer. I look rather dorky, almost like I should laugh through my nose and be a bit of a social recluse. But that's ok, it will balance my "I'm too sexy for this..." side. Ha.

I forgot!

PS- I. and I watched the greatest movie ever last night. Love, laughter, good people, good morals, good music, good scenery, hot girls, and DDR. What could be better, seriously?!? Ok so it's called Imagine Me & You. Yes, it's about two women who end up falling in love, but you'll love it I promise. And if you don't I will send you a sock as a consolation gift.

Am I gay? I'm ecstatic!

I don't even know where to begin about this weekend. Really nothing major happened to me, yet I'm exhausted. Friday night I went over to I.'s place and nothing terribly exciting happened... wait for it. Saturday morning we finally pull ourselves out of bed and shamble towards the car so that we can go to her mother's wedding. No car.. that's right, where once I.'s car stood proud there is a sick looking delapidated mini-van, I don't even think I should call it a mini-van but maybe a shag wagon with AIDS. Anyway, no car, which meant one of two things, either; 1) I. took to sleepwalking, sleepdriving, and sleepparking, or 2) her car had been stolen. So after trying to figure out any other alternative we went to the police station and filed a report. Two hours later we finally got on the road towards VA (after I.'s younger sister telling, "You do know the wedding is at 7, right?"). We made fairly good time and got to the wedding on time. It was a beautiful ceremony, there was a brief moment of panic for me when I., completely straightfaced, told me that she had informed her mother that I am a fairly good singer and therefore her mother had set it up so that I would sing a song, I nearly killed her and she nearly pissed herself laughing when I realized she had put me on. For the next twenty four hours everything was fairly uneventful.

We came back home and went straight to the police station where they told us to call the next morning. I had an eye exam and I. had a test the next day. So we spent another quiet night at home and the next morning gave the police a call, "call back after 8.. PM". Are they joking?? I went to my eye exam and we determined that I'm straining my left eye at my job. That's not the only thing that I'm straining but one thing at a time. Long and short of it, I'm getting glasses, well reading glasses. I think they're cute and they make me look older, nothing wrong with that. We call back after 8PM, they tell us to wait one more day. In essence I. had to wait until last night to get the phone number of the place where her car is being held, we can't go look at it or get anything out of it, even thought it's her car, because the insurance company needs to see it first (as if we're going to go and mess it up more, right?).

There's another thing that is stressing both I. and I out. It's hard to talk about and it's something that we both need to be aware of, but we're going to make it through. I have no doubts about that. In some ways, when you date your best friend it can be really hard because those things that you would immediately take to them to talk about, you can no longer. I knew this when I got into the relationship, but seeing as how this is I.'s first relationship I'm not sure she did. I want to be there for her when she needs to talk about this issue, but I dont want her to feel like she's going to put distance between us, as far as our relationship is concerned, because the things she's scared about or angry about are things that have to do with me. I just wish that she had some close friends that weren't gay, and weren't my close friends also. I do believe that it's very important that friends of the person you're dating get along with you well. It's a sign that you're a good match. Yet at the same time I recognize that the need for having close personal friends that you don't share the same closeness with their sig. other is very important. That's what I hope both of us will be able to find shortly. It will help with loneliness that I. might feel (and that I am feeling in some ways), but also when things like this come up, she doesn't have to feel like it's talk to me or no one.

In other news, I. came up with this amazing idea of creating a podcast. I think that it would be awesome to do something like that and helpful for me to feel like I'm doing something productive. So this weekend I'm really going to go after the idea and see what I can do. Also maybe I can convince I. to come and do her Friday's Five, cause I have always loved those and I'm sure that anyone... (if I could recruit anyone to)... listening would love them too.

If I lay here...

What is it about a song that in the right moment can make you become overflooded with emotions?
Hold On
Chasing

Lick My Nose? Please?

Looking around the Strange But True news of today I found an article about a man saved when his dog called 911. Yes, that's right, his dog called 911. Yet this wasn't the part of the article that caught my attention as being the extra special characteristic ofthe dog. Read the last paragraph and tell me that you don't wish all pets could be this accurate about how sick we are. Really? I wonder what the training for this must have looked like.

So in other strange but true news, I made a mistake on my SSN when I opened an ING Savings Account, so I will have to print out a W-9 form and either fax it or mail it in to them a.s.a.p. What a ridiculous hassle over one little number, but this was totally my fault. I rush far too often and end up making rather dumb mistakes that will cost me time and energy in the end. I need to learn to slow down and take my time.

Also I.'s mom is getting married this weekend (which could also be part of the reason that we're bonking heads). I don't know how I. feels about this in the truest sense, maybe she doesn't even know. I think it's going to be a very good thing for I.'s mom since the man she's marrying seems to be a very nice, loving guy. It makes me wish that my mom would start dating. In some ways it seems ironic to me that my dad has begun to date again and my mother hasn't, seeing as how she was the one to ask him to leave. Lots of people who have parents that split up, either openingly or subconciously, hope that their parents will realize the mistake and come back to each other. This happens very little, which is sad for the kids that keep hoping and never get that wish. Unlike all of them, I have never held this wish. Maybe it's because my mom split from someone who was not my biological father and even though he raised me and I consider him Dad more than anyone else by far, this biological bond was never formed and therefore there is no need for me to see them together. I want them to be happy. I still talk to both my parents, they still advise me, and I still go to either of them when I'm having problems that I can't solve on my own. It makes little or no difference to me that one lives 200 miles away and the other 20 feet. When my dad told me that he was dating someone I was really happy for him, the only worry about timing that I had is that since he had the emotional maturity of a 6 year-old when he and my mother split, did he really have enough time in the three years between to grow up 30 some-odd years? In the end, it mattered not, he broke up with her when he realized that she wanted something a lot more serious than he did, maybe he did grow up?

Mom, on the other hand, has been asked on a date recently. As always we ended up in the car for a couple of hours discussing the pros/cons, the worries she had, and whether or not I thought it was a good idea. Mom has come to me for advice since I was 13 or 14. Most of the time I don't mind it at all, it's just part of our relationship. She asks me what to do about my younger brother and I tell her to kill him, simple. But this one was a lot more complicated. I don't want to see my mother get hurt, but I think it would be dreadfully sad to see her alone for the rest of her life. Or even for the next couple of years. She likes this guy who asked her out (which is rather odd to see my mom getting a little anxious about a guy) and she wants to go out and see where this could go, but she doesn't trust that he could really like her because of her weight. That's the only thing that prevents her from knowing that he'll like her, every other worry she has is associated with whether or not she's ready and whether or not it's worth it. Frankly, I think that there's part of you that's never ready after heartbreak, but its that part of you that you put aside and take the plunge. It's like standing on the edge of the cliff and no matter how long you stand there, there will always be part of you that wonders if you jump whether you'll make it safely to the bottom, it's only when you put that part of you aside and take the chance that that part doesn't matter and therefore doesn't exist anymore.

So in helping my mom get to a weight where she feels comfortable to see this guy or any guy for that matter, I have agreed to go to the gym twice a week with her. Who knows maybe this will help me shake the cloud of depression that seems to be getting stronger the longer I don't get called about a job and the longer that I'm not playing any sports. So bring on the gym and hopefully we'll get to the point where I will allow this guy to date my mom.

Where are you, Dr. Drew?

Last night I. and I hit a wall. I can't call it a fight or a squabble or an argument or even bickering, because there is none of that. So I will call it hitting a wall cause that's how it feels. The precipatator was just that, nothing more, not even worth talking about. The real problem started when I said that she "takes all the enjoyment out of being upset". I didn't mean that and if I had thought about it I probably would have said it more like this:

When I'm hurt or upset or frustrated by something going on in our relationship I say it. I am extremely quick to get my feelings out onto the table so that WE can deal with whatever it is. I am in a relationship and I don't expect to deal with those things that have to do with my relationship alone. Same for the other half. If something is going on for her that makes things less than how they should be or less than she wants them to be, I expect her to approach me about it so that WE can work it out and fix it, at least come to a compromise. Last night I was upset by something and I. took it and internalized it, it felt like she was disappearing into the wall. I want to work stuff out together and she wants to be left alone, and in the long run I don't mind leaving her alone to mull over the issue and work on changing her behavior if she sees that a change would be for the best, but I have a huge problem with the feeling that when she internalizes this problem she also assumes that the fact that she behaved in that way must mean that she's a fuck-up, or a bad person, or heartless, when it was never even close to that. One thing that she says occasionally that I want to scream when she says is "well we can just add that to my list of screw-ups" and then it seems as if her heart is breaking, and it fucking breaks mine because everyone screws up, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. I obviously believe that she is more than a worthwhile person with whom to be in a relationship, and along with that desire to be with her, there is no expectation that she will never hurt me, annoy me, or disagree with me. It wouldn't be a relationship if we didn't do those things to each other, and they don't imply anything more than that they are there and that we need to deal with them. They do not imply anything about our character, anything about our desire to be with each other, and definitely not anything about our worth as people.

What I meant by my statement was that for me it feels like there can be no progress in our relationship if I'm afraid to be upset with her or to feel something about her behavior unless it's a good feeling, because I'm afraid that she will take it so personally and so harshly towards herself. I love her, I'm in love with her, I think she's an amazing person and I recognize that she makes mistakes and that she does things sometimes that she has no idea will effect me, but how can she know that these things exist if I don't talk to her about them? And yet how do I talk to her about them when I get the feeling that she takes it to mean that she's a bad, horrible, or thoughtless person, when I don't think she's any of those things or even close to them. If I did I wouldn't want to be with her and I wouldn't want to be close to her. This is what I meant by that she takes all the enjoyment out of being upset with her. I don't want to push her to talk when she doesn't want to, but at the same time I don't want to shut up because she will make herself feel so much worse than she ever should have. I feel lost because I don't know how to act for the best and it makes me really sad, because I want to move forward in this relationship and I feel like if I move at all I might just end up pushing her away or hurting her. And that's the last thing that I want.

Dundee to London

Has anyone ever noticed how bloody difficult it is to plan a trip in Europe when on limited funds and limited time if you're not actually in the country? Well I certainly have, since I am right now in the process of planning my and I.'s trip to London for a week and a half. No matter what happens I'm sure it will be an amazing trip, but right at the moment it feels like a bit of a hassle. I am trying to find trains from London to Dundee or Edinburgh so that I. and I can go to Scotland for the first weekend. This would be my first trip to Scotland and I will not let this plan fall through, I am too attached to it now. Yet it would seem that the Gods do not want me to go to Scotland since everything is so complicated. I just find it seemingly odd to have a website ask me whether I am a U.S. citizen or British citizen or Mainland European citizen and when I reply that I am a U.S. citizen to have this said website tell me to wait a moment while they access the website for U.S. citizens. Once there I look up train times and prices and realize that there are not as many train times and the prices are higher than as if I had said that I am a British or Mainland European citizen. I mean come off it! I love Europe just as much as the next person, in face I think I may love it more than the average European! I should get a discount for publically proclaiming my love for Europe on a regular basis and therefore pushing more Americans to visit, but alas the train companies do not see it this way. Anyway, having lived there I can find ways around this nationalist punishment. It's just more of a hassle, c'est toute.

In other news, this weekend I was still pretty sick but C. was having a bit of party and at first I didn't want to go. So I got quite pissy and childish when I. said that she was going to go anyway. I decided that I would sink into a mild balloon of selfishness and self pity, when I. didn't buy it, I called her and told her to come pick me up so that we could go together. Good for her, I say. The party itself was a lot of fun. There was a good mix of people, straight/gay/gay sometimes. You know? We played a lot of beer pong and since my stomach hadn't really acted up in a couple hours I decided to test it with some beer. I got rather drunk at one stage and had a small fight with the peircing pain from before, but other than that just enjoyed being a little drunk. I. was of course the girl to talk to, as she attracts more attention than I do just by standing there. I swear I could be jumping up and down and flashing everyone and if I. smiled and just stayed quiet, everyone would be intrigued and talk to her. Once again, good for her I say. It was rather funny because at one she was out back and I was inside watching the Yankee game (who won finally, yay) and everyone that came into the room ended up asking, "Who's that girl?" which every time would start a chorus of Who's that girl? by Eve and then someone would say, "Oh that's I." I was tres impressed.

It turns out that I. and I have only played 15 hours of GTA. That's right I said 15 hours!!! Dear lord, where are our lives going? And to add insult to injury we're only 28% into the game itself. But I love it anyway.

The job search continues. More and more and more. It seems neverending. I. has taken it upon herself to kind of be my agent, and frankly, I'm very glad for it. She's made my resume look a lot better than it did and my cover letter makes me sound like I single-handedly saved an entire race of people, and that was just this morning! Don't even let me begin with the amazing things I did this weekend! So www.monster.com will soon be barraged with the amazingness of Ramblin' Yank. I have also started to use careerbuilder.com and if I find some other places I'll use those too. I just want to find a job so that I can move out. I know that I say this every couple of days, but the job search is a horrid and ugly place to be. I can understand why people without any job become depressed and disappear into a world of tv and fast food binges. Not to say that I've completed avoided this plague on the unemployed, but I have family and friends who I think are started to talk of an intervention.

Most good things must come to end, as does this. I'm off to search for a job in the jungle of the unemployed and disheartened. Meep! Meep!

Sick, sick, sick

Last night was a very good night. I ended up at I.'s house and we hung out with a couple of the guys that are friends with her roommate. One was really drunk, I've seen him drunk before, and let me tell you he's absolutely hilarious when he's drunk. He is loud and obnoxious but unlike most guys who get loud and obnoxious when their drunk, he's not aggressive, dangerous, or threatening... just funny, just loud, just J. So we hung out in the backyard for a while. A Yankee hat on fire was our sign to call it a night.

So we spent some time just us, and then we tried to sleep. When all of a sudden a pain shot through my stomach like being knifed. This pain decided that it enjoyed my stomach and was going to hang out for a while. Last night at 5 in the morning I slept for approx. 15 minutes and that was about all the sleep I got, because of this pain. I seriously considered having I. drive me to the hospital, because it occured to me that maybe it was appendicitis. Last night was also the first time in my entire life that I made myself throw up without having been drinking. I often say during that special period of the month that it is the worst feeling I've felt, the worst pain. I take it back, I would take 5 day of that special time over the feeling in my abdomen right now and for the past 12 hours. Of course lucky me, I get both; special time and this virus. I just want to feel better. I got the day at home that I wanted, but I can't do anything about it because I can't stand up or move around for more than a couple minutes at a time. It just stinks, that's all. I really dont want to be sick this weekend because I'm supposed to go to the beach, and I really want to go. (Get a tan maybe? Don't laugh, assholes). We will see what happens. Send good thoughts my way if you can spare them.

Feeling a Bit Lost.

Still no big kid job. And I must admit I'm very tired of it. I feel like maybe I'm not doing enough to find one, not sending out enough resumes, not looking in the right places or maybe it's as simple as that my resume title on monster isn't catchy or clever enough, but whatever it is I wish someone would tell me. I know that I'm capable of doing a good, consistent, hard job with great results, yet I feel like I'm the only one that sees that. Instead I'm here and let me tell you, it will be the death of me if I can't get out of here. I'm underpaid, overworked, and not appreciated at all. Part of me says that I should put on my flip-flop, flip-flop my way over to my boss and quit, go home and spend the rest of the day dedicated to sending in applications to real jobs, to jobs that might challenge me in a way other than whether or not I'll go postal today. But I can't do that because while it's shitty money to be here, it's still money and it's money that I will need in the future. I still haven't opened up the savings account with ING like I should have, because I keep forgetting to find my routing number. You know what I need, I need a little notepad to follow me around and make sure I have everything taken care of, when I forget something to have a extenable foot that reaches out and kicks me in the ass... because obviously these non-kicking ass notepads just aren't doing the trick.

In good news, in about a month I. and I will be headed off for London. Yep that's right London, home away from home. I think that I'm far more excited about it than I'm letting myself feel because if I feel it than I really won't pay attention to anything else. Also it's been so long since I was there that I feel like it can't possibly be happening. But nonetheless, we're going. I think the first weekend we're going to go to Scotland because well I've never been there and who better to go with than someone who lived there for four years. I'm so excited about this. I've always wanted to see Scotland. I think the other thing about the trip that I'm not admitting to myself is that I'm really nervous about it. Right in the middle of the trip I will be going to St. Albans, a little north of London, to present at a conference for the international psychology society. I will be meeting people who are experts in their fields, who are from all over the world, and who has made huge discoveries in the field of psychology. Dr. Zellner and I will be published in their Psychology Journal. Me! Published at 22! It's crazy and yet still I can't find a big kid job. I think I'm becoming truly american.. my self-worth is starting to feel dependent on my occupation and as long as I'm working here and not somewhere with a steady paycheck and benefits I feel like crap. So bring on the 9-5, cause at least it will be 8 hours a day of knowing I have a future and am not going to end up a bag lady in NYC.

Drive-in Bliss

Last night I took I. on a suprise adventure to the depth on New York State. She might have thought we were going to a rodeo, a hot air balloon ride, a sightseeing trip to Niagra Falls, or some such thing. It was a five month present and i had been thinking about it for a very long time. I wanted it to be special and something not usually done. So maybe a hot air balloon ride would have been a really good idea (why didn't I think of it earlier??), but no it was actually a Drive-In movie theatre.

I had called around to a couple different drive-ins but they were all playing cheesy movies like "Shaggy Dog" or "Cars". I finally found a Drive-In movie that was playing "The Omen" right up our alley. It figured to me that anniversary's of any type should be celebrated between us with a horror film, its how we started and hopefully how we'll continue. Although I must admit that I think that the horror film last night was much better than the one with which we began, but this might be a good sign of our improvement. So we pulled in and the smile on I.'s face made it completely worth it. It made it all worth it. We parked the car and went to get snacks (which were surprisingly good), rolled the windows down and got comfy.

The movie wasn't the best part though. The best part of all of it was sitting in a car, being comfortable because I could stretch out, put my legs anywhere I wanted to put them, and do as I pleased. I could talk as loud as I wanted, smoke 'em if you got 'em (which we didn't... serious lack of good judgement on my part), and just generally cause mayhem, as long as it was inside my own car. If you look up drive-in movies on google you can find a whole list of things that are good etiquette for when at a drive-in movie theatre. It's awesome. If you have one close to you, you should go, take your kids (trust me, if they are at all rambunctious, they will be more appriciated at a drive-in then a regular theatre), and see for yourself what this American tradition is worth. I have only ever seen one other place in the entire world that promotes any type of outdoor movie theatre and that was in Corsica where they put the movie on a wall and you paid an arm and a leg to go. Yet here we pay an average of 7 dollars for two movies, that's right a double feature. So for less than the cost of a regular movie theatre you can enjoy two movies and the comfort of being in your own space, with better refreshments than a regular move theatre.

Support your local drive-in so that my kids may one day see them too. Oh and p.s. turn your headlights off when you come in and don't step on the break pedal while parked (we know what you're doing, you don't need to advertise it and it's a bit distracting thank you).

I Always Knew They Were A Little Crazy

So it was brought to my attention that the worst drivers ever were in the Northeast part of our great country. No! Really! I'm not kidding at all. You can laugh but the statistics prove it. Dumbest Drivers Ever, keep in mind the survey is only 20 questions long. I took it and got a 90% and I live in New Jersey. You could blame it on the fact that I really learned to drive somewhere else I guess, and that the retarded gene of the Northeast driver just hasn't infected me yet. Let's hope it doesn't cause just from my own experience, let's say I wouldn't have needed this survey to tell me that New York, Pennslyvania, Connecticut, Massholes and Delaware drivers are dumb schmucks who should never be allowed to drive. And yes I left New Jersey drivers out of this picture because while the Southern New Jersey drivers are idiots, the rest of us make up for them. We may drive crazy and without any regard for the rules but we make better commute time than anyone else in the world, and frankly who cares whether you run a couple people off the road, give the guy beside you a heartattack, or run over a few animals, as long as you make good time.

That belongs to me!

So this weekend was nice and slow and quiet. Except for the gunshots being fired, cars being crashed, bombs being detonated and other general mayhem found in Grand Theft Auto. My mother hates that game and I'm pretty sure that my father would too. In the game I am a relatively young, rather dumb, big muscled (although if I didn't go to the gym so much I would be weak and small), fast driving, no shit taking, trash talking, motherf****** black man. My younger brother is dead, my older brother is in jail, my sister is dating a mexican (about which I'm very upset), and my friends for the most part are traitors.

In real life things are quite the opposite. No one I know is in jail, none of family are dead, my friends are for the large majority loyal, good hearted people. I am tall, lanky and definitely not black or gangster. So why do I enjoy disappearing in this world for hours at a time? I recognize that the person I am in this game and the people with whom I associate in the game are horribly destructive, manipulative, dangerous, ugly people. Is it because passing the missions present a challenge and I enjoy having to manipulate the game and learn the moves/tricks to pass through to the next round, or is it because I'm amused by living in this fake world (one that I would never be able to enter, even if I wanted to), or is it because I can walk into a burger joint, shoot both clerks and when I walk out and then back in, they are both alive and ready to serve me again with no hard feelings. Is it the fact that no matter what wrong I do, no one holds it against me, and if they do I can just load a saved game and try again until I get it right. I can run over as many people as I want, crash as many cars and do as much damage to the world around me as I want to do and no one really cares as long as I drive fast enough. This is an amazing ability. I must admit I love it.

Yet in real life I find that I am wanting to take on some of the traits of my character in GTA. I want to drive faster than anyone on the road. I want to drive on the shoulder and run red lights. I want to honk my horn and steal other people's cars, but alas I recognize that this is just not right or aligned with my real life morals. So as long as the only people I'm killing and the only cars I'm stealing are in GTA, I think I'll be alright.

Life is a Wave?

At the beginning of this week I decided that it was time to start sending out applications again. I had ignored for far too long my need for a big kid job. Especially considering the amount of money I have been spending. It's absolutely ridiculous how quickly money will fly out of your hands, or maybe more appropriately my hands. I hate money with a passion that is pure and true and maybe that's why I throw it away to the tune of 300 dollars every two weeks when I am not paying attention. Right now I should have a lot more money saved up than I do. I mean, of course I have the expenses that I have to take care of, like phone bill (monthly), car insurance (semi-annually), EZ-Pass (which I don't have on my car yet), and gasoline (every three days because those Indian gas men are out to get me, I bet they hide "eat up gasoline even more quickly" tablets under those turbans and when I'm not looking they slip them into my gas tank), but anyway, other than those few things I have nothing for which to pay. I used to need to give my mother a hundred dollars a week towards removing my debt with her, so a good plan would be to now be putting that hundred dollars somewhere that I'm not allowed to touch it. So that's the new plan, that money goes directly into the saving's account that I am opening tonight and I'm not allowed to touch it, even if I really wanna.

But back to my quest for the perfect big kid job. I am a recent graduate of my small state uni and I want to become independent, I want to move out, I don't want to pay rent and all of that, but if that's what it means to be independent well then I guess I'll do that too. So I have been searching for a big kid job. I have responded to quite a few ads on craigslist.com and recently I made a profile for Monster.com. About three weeks ago I went on an interview (my first real interview ever) to a company called FFS. I interviewed for the position of Lab Technician, you see I would really like to work in a lab. I would like to experiment on stuff and find out why things work the way they do, and why people do the things they do, that sort of stuff. I thought the interview went very well. I wore my first business suit ever and tried to look snasy(which I think I succeeded, if I'm allowed to be a bit conceited). The HR lady said "you will definitely hear from us by the end of next week." Well I waited and waited and waited.. much to my dismay I was like a 6'2'' 17 year old kid with headgear waiting by the phone on prom night. And there was no magic fairy to make the outcome change. So trudging on from that disappointment I decided the best thing would be to get depressed and ignore the job process for a week or two.

Now getting back to my original point, I restarted my job search engine at the beginning of this week. I no longer limited myself to Lab positions. I applied to a place called Life Waves that tracks a person's heartbeat while making them exercise for a minute, then let's them "recover" for 2-3 minutes. They analyze the data and map out the ideal exercise plan for that person. It's a personalized system. I got a call from them one hour after sending my resume. I set up a phone interview for this morning at 11am and became extremely nervous (this would be my first phone interview and I say "um" a lot). 10:45am this morning they call and ask to reschedule till 2. I say that's fine. He compliments my flexibility. I comment that I've been practicing the splits lately, thank you for noticing. No I don't! But I did think about it.

2 o'clock I get a call from Mr. T. D.. He tells me all about the system, and how the interview process will continue. If he likes me, he'll invite me for a personal interview. We go through the entire interview. I try not to say "um" and he tries to find out who I really am. I even tell him my height and weight, he's impressed. He asks me to come in for an interview on Monday and then shares with me that I do not need to dress in a suit, it's very laid back there. He wore shorts and a ripped shirt with no shoes to work the other day! So I think I'll go in my string bikini top with some booty shorts and little sparkley flip flops... well no on second thought I'll go in a nice pair of slacks and a button down shirt, with appropriate shoes. I'm nervous but excited. I'm trying not to think about it because I don't want to be disappointed if they don't want me.

Tonight I'll go to Ice Age 2 and hope that those little furry animals will take my mind of the impending doom of a personal interview. This weekend I'll take it easy and maybe enjoy a barbeque and hot tub on Sunday. And since life is waves and every wave has a cycle and every cycle is essential to sleep, I think I will take an early night and sleep as best I can for Monday.

It Takes a Village To Feed a Child.

So this past weekend was New Jersey Pride down in Asbury Park, and it was the first time since moving to New Jersey that I have had the oppurtunity to go. Every other year I was somewhere else in the world and so it was not possible to attend. Yet I. and I did attend this year and I must admit I was pleasantly surprised that I had a great time.

C., I., and I got to asbury around 2:30. We spent 20 minutes parking the car, 10 minutes walking over, so we really arrived at the park grounds about 3, but did we go in and join our friends? Absolutely not. We all had to use a restroom and we didn't particularly fancy using the porto loo's, jon's, whatever you want to call them, they're gross. So we went to the bar across the street, which is called "Wonder Bar", but I can't help but think that once even a bit tipsy everyone calls "Wonder Bra". By the time I had finished using the loo, I. and C. had decided to get a beer. So we all sat in the Wonder Bra for about an hour and drank cold beers and watched the Yankees get their asses handed to them on a silver platter (it was so sad). Then we realized that we had been here an hour and totally ignored all for which we came, except the beer. So we wandered over to the park, spent the next two hours saying hello to everyone that we ran into and eventually settling slightly right of the stage. 15 jello shots later, I am completely sober still and a little annoyed that I'm sober when I'm making a valient effort to be a least a little tipsy, but nay it doesn't happen. My annoyed mood, however, completely disappeared when the headline act for New Jersey Pride 2006 came on. It was the Village People and I being the closet disco fanatic that I am, went a bit nuts. I most definitely have videos on my phone of the Village People telling me that they want me, in the navy. Along with the video of the YMCA, I think I can die a happy woman.

After the Village People were over everyone sort of packed up and went across the road, muttering things about napping and resting for the night to come. I think the majority were actually going back to the hotel to have intoxicated fornications. Good for them I say. I., C., and I hung around the park and when it got a bit emptier started throwing the football around and then walked for a bit. Where low and behold we found chicken/pork kebabs, and dollar beer. Good for us.

Eventually we went back to the hotel, cleaned up a bit, watched some telly, met up with some friends and then went out to Circuit. I danced a lot. I had a really good time, ran into a girl who at the end of a first date puked in my car, and then tried to kiss me, which I had no words for then and still they seem to elude me. Ran into some other friends. Realized that I don't have enough time in the day to all that I want to do. And crawled back to the hotel room, exhausted and still sober, and crawled into bed. After a little tussle and being punched in the head, wrapped my arms around I. and went to sleep.

The next morning we all woke up with a groan, but it didn't take us long to be up and moving. We took a long walk on the boardwalk and beach, because of course this was the first day all weekend that the sun was out. J. discovered three beautiful kittens that lived under the boardwalk. One calico, two black and white. They would let us within a foot and then run back under the boardwalk. So when we tried of this "cat and mouse game", we decided to go get something to eat before heading home. I. killed approximately 6 bucks (that's a male deer, ps.) and ate liverwurst. C. ordered too much food, as did I, and J. played with her palm pilot. None of this surprising to say the least.

The ride home was more intense for me than the entire weekend combined, because C. and I got into a particularly heated debate about something that is extremely important to me, and I. got to play tissue for the next hour. I. and I finally got home and realized after a bit that we wanted KFC, so we went, but they were closed! What kind of fast food restaurant closes at 9pm? Seriously! We discussed it and decided that fast food restaurants or any other type of restaurant for that matter should not be allowed to show food ads after the time that they close, it's a kind of torture that should not exist. We went searching for something else and settled on White Castle. I ordered too much and felt a bit sick when we finally laid down to sleep (watching Zorro... what a fruitcake).

But all's well that end's well....