England.

I'm in London at the moment. I'll be back on Sunday night, which means that there will be an update on Monday. Please leave a message. Beep.

Favorite Website of the Month

And the winner is: Don't Date Him

Absolutely hilarious. Now I know that it's supposed to be taken seriously and that it may in fact have had some detrimental effects to some poor guys out there, but personally I think that it's very funny and not to be taken with a grain of salt. And girls.. there are websites about you too: Don't Date Her

Time Moves So Slowly.

Friday was a quiet night, which was very smart of I. and I since Saturday we had to get up very early, get ready, get ice, get in the car and go with C. to the parking lot across from Yankee Stadium for tailgating. At some point in the previous 24 hours I had decided that I would drink a bit since it was a baseball game and I haven't in a while. SO I had three beers and was wasted. I don't know how that happened other than that I'm fairly small and hadn't eaten anything, also the temperature was about 90 degrees. We waited until the 4th inning to finally go inside. I. and I ate everything that we could find on our way there, you would have thought we were flying high by the way we were eating. Hot dogs, dippin' dots, more hot dogs, minute maid frozen lemonade, gatorade, pretzels, and more beer. The Yankees won, of course, and we even got to watch sme home runs being hit. I. says 4, but I only remember seeing 3 (but I was very drunk, so...). Eventually we all made our way home, even at 6 o'clock the traffic was awful.

Later that night, I., J., and I drove back into the city to go to Nation and dance a bit. It had been a lifetime since I had been dancing so I had a great time, shaking it. I talked to A. for a while, whose nickname is Easy due to the first story I ever heard her tell, which was of a day when she came into her room and found a naked girl in her bed, attempting to seduce her, and even though she didn't like the girl what else was she supposed to do?? The girl was naked! It was really good to see our friends and spend some time with them. Especially because on Friday of this week, meaning three days from now, I. and I will be getting on a plane and flying across the ocean.

That's right Britain! Here We Come! But until that happens I just have to sit here and watch the supposed minutes turn into hours before my eyes. Time moves far too slowly when you're attempting to speed it up.

6 Months and Ani

Nothing much has happened over the past couple days, well let's say before yesterday. I do't really even remember Monday-Weds, maybe I. can remind me if anything happened of importance. Yet yesterday I had a job interview for a full time position working as the Assistant Program Manager of the Sports for Kids program of the New York Sports Club. I really want this job, I think I would be very good at it and I really like the people with whom I interviewed. (I might sound uppity but I'm trying to stop ending sentences with pronouns... if you say the word "pronoun(s) at the end of a sentence does it count as one?) Anyhoo, so I went in and the interview took about an hour and a half. It went very well I thought, they asked for my references which I sent to them today, after sending a blank email to them last night (gah!). So we will see. I also have been offered an interview by the New Jersey Department of Personnel for a Criminal Prevention Aide position that I think would be a lot of fun and pays very well, if I can get the job. Wish me luck!

This whole thing was not the exciting part of my day however. The exciting part of my day was actually when for our 6 month anniversary I. and I drove into the city to go to Central Park, I know some of you may be saying "Aww" right now, but we weren't going for a picnic, we were going to see Ani. Ani who? I can't believe you just asked that. Ani fucking DiFranco, that's who. If you haven't heard any of her music, please please please for me, go here. Ignore her pinkish, reddish, dreads... she's a big hippie, but listen to the music and the lyrics. If you search her name on YouTube you'll find plenty of videos, some of my favorites are Gravel, Overlap, Untouchable Face, 32 flavors (which has already been linked), and the entire concert. If your obsessed with music videos here's one of hers: Shy. You can also go to her website and listen to almost all of her cds. She's just an amazing performer, guitarist, and songwriter. Thank you I. for taking me last night, it was my fourth time at an Ani concert but it was the best cause I was with you and you were experiencing it completely new. I love you and I'm very very happy with you. One week from today we leave for London, the countdown has begun!! WOOO.

The Weekend Past

I. and I drove down to Virginia on Friday night, but of course we didn't leave NJ until about 9, so we didn't arrive until 2 in the morning. I dropped I. off at her mom's and continued on to my older brother's house, where I expected everyone to be asleep. When I walked in I found my older brother playing video games and waiting for me to arrive. He has shaved off all of his hair in an effort to be supportive of his father who is going through chemo therapy and has therefore lost off of his hair in the process. I think it's a boble cause, but at the same time recognize that my older brother's head is very oddly shaped so I hope that soon he can grow it back at least a little. It was 8 in the morning when I was woken by the 3 year old crawling all over me. I was extremely excited to see and visit with my nephew, I was just hoping for maybe a little more time to sleep, but alas, that was not to be. So Saturday I spent the day playing with my nephew and trying to figure out plans for the evening.

I. and I got into a bit of a tussle because I didn't want her to drink and drive, and she felt that she's an adult and that one beer wouldn't put her in any danger as far as being able to control the car. In the end I decided not to go and hang with she and our friend E. because I didn't like her attitude, I didn't want to be the one to prevent everyone from having fun, and I didn't want my younger brother to be around people who would drink and then get behind the wheel of a car. Maybe this whole paragraph makes me sound unreasonable or on the opposite end like I'm accusing I. and E. of being horrible drunks or out of control when they drink. I hope that it's neither, I just wanted I. to be safe and that the best way to know that you're safe is to not risk it. In the end E. agreed not to drink and to drive so that I would come out. R. (my younger brother) and I went to TGIF's to meet them, have a bit of a chat up, and then E. aggreed to D. (another one of our good friends) that we would come into Washington D.C. to meet them. I. and I really weren't feeling up for it but decided that we owed D. to go in, so we did and ended up in another's friend's apartment listening to showtunes and then rap and back to showtunes. These were people after my own heart.

When we finally came back at 3 in the morning, R. and I decided to stay at I.'s moms house and just take her with us in the morning since we had a family reunion in Southern MD to attend. Of course I slept through the alarm and was late, we rushed back to my older brother's, had lunch, packed up our stuff and took off. About twenty minutes after leaving I was pulled over for reckless driving. Yep that's right 78 in a 55 in Virginia, my court date is Septemeber 13th if you would like to come with me for moral support. I really truly believed that the speed limit was 65 and that I was only going 75, so hopefully when I go to court that's what they'll drop it down to and then I'll just take defensive driving for the third time in my life. I don't feel too bad though, I'm now even with I. (And I was doing so well!!). At the same time that I'm getting my reckless driving ticket, R. is getting a littering ticket because of a cigarette butt he threw out the window, because he didn't want to be smoking when the police officer cam eup to the window. At least we have the same court date.

Finally we're back on the road and into MD when we pull onto a back two lane road, speed limit is 40 and the lady in front of me is going 35. So I pull around her at the next pass zone, when to my disbelief she pulls right back around me and speeds up to 60, and I think ok she wants to be in front, that's fine as long as she's going this fast. When I realize that she is only going to go this fast through the speed zones, because as soon as it's over she's back down to 30-35. I wanted to kill her, kill someone. It was lucky I had gotten a ticket earlier that day because I was seriously considereing running her off the road. Everyone in the car begins to have a serious case of road rage, yelling explitives, threatening to hurl anything from a bottle of water to spit to gum at the car, and every pass zone we're back up to 60. I hope she enjoyed those 20 miles because if karma really does work, she's going to end up in a ditch with her brand new fancy car all busted up one day, and I'm going to pass by and laugh.

I would talk about the family reunion but there's not much to it. It was good to see family. We really got bit a lot by mosquitos. Then we drove back home to New Jersey. It took forever and a day, but I was really glad to be back. There's no place like home.

Follow Up?

So I was listening to the radio yesterday and realized that there is a song that is currently extremely popular that talks about exactly what I was discussing the other day here: Misjudged Love or Love Misjudged?

If you look at the lyrics and read the thought, you'll understand exactly what I mean. I hope.

P.S.- On a side note, whatever it is in this song that is supposed to help hook people in to liking it, totally worked on me, I love this song.

July 7th

One year ago today the UK was attacked. With 52 people killed on the three subway cars and one double decker bus that exploded when bombs planted on them went off, we bow our heads and pay a little respect to those who innocently lost their lives. I'm not going to go off on a political tangent, because I just want to leave well enough alone, and hopefully by doing so bring some respect and thought to those who passed. Having lived right outside of Central London the thought of that day still sends shivers throughout my body, but yet this is a true reality for us all. Let us hope that those who have passed find peace and those who live find calmth and serenity.

While I'm Thinking About It.

Here's a small plug for Webjay. It's an awesome site that basically allows you to peruse other people's playlists and listen to them and also amazingly lets you copy songs from their playlists and make an eccletic one of your own. Which if you take a moment to look at the bottom of this page you will find. That's the really cool thing, you can add your playlist to your blog or to your myspace, while it always is shown on Webjay. It is definitely my cool website for July. Take a look for yourself.

Maybe We Should Be The Generation Of Misjudged Love

What is love? What does it mean to be in love? If it's not returned are we supposed to immediately be able to love/be in love with another person? What's the time limit that we set for ourselves? How are we to know if it's love, if the majority of us don't even stick around long enough for the other to wake up? Has our generation completely muddled what the feeling of love is, to be replaced by lust/desire/passion and the need for good friends?

When I have sat and considered my friends, I have seen good people with good hearts. People willing to give their all for a friend in trouble. Who are there when you need them and even when you don't. They are smart people, with good heads on their shoulders. So for people with good heads, good hearts, and the ability to give their all for someone else, how did we come to a point of being so selfish when it comes to relationships?

In some ways I have a hard time putting this thought into words, because I am just as guilty of these actions as anyone else. Here is where I will begin. I don't know anyone in my life who isn't looking in some way or another for a person that will be a balance of their less than admirable traits, who will challenge them in every part of their life to be better, and who will provide a sexual life that is pleasing and more than satisfying, yet at the same time these same people go out and hook-up with randoms because it's fun. I think a major problem with our attitude toward the idea of a relationship is our definitions of our behavior and the multitude to which we have definitions. So I will lay out all the different words for a relationship status and their definitions as best I understand them, and then I'll continue this thought.

Relationship Status/Definitions:
1) Talking: Interested, but not serious, no commitment as of yet, but both parties are interested and seeing where things lead.
2) Hooking Up: May be a thing of convience, not necessarily a sign of a relationship to come, no commitment unless previous discussed between both parties
3) Fuck Buddies: Fun but not serious, no commitment, attraction but no future
4) Fling: Long-term fuck buddies, no commitment
5) Dating/Seeing each other: Recognition of attraction and possible future, no commitment thus far
6) Open Relationship: In an official relationship, depending on agreement allowed to anything from hook up (see definition above) or date (see above definition) another party
7) Together/Couple: A relationship in which both parties agree to be monogomous with each other and are attempting to create a future with each other

Now I'm sure that I'm missing some terms and may even have the definitions a little backward, so feel free to correct me, I won't mind. The point of this is that with 7 different terms for what could be happening, only 1 has commitment involved, 2 if you include an open relationship. What does that ask of us as responsible adults? Test ourselves often and have fun. Is that what love comes down to now? Or is it more that we are to have fun, but not commit until we're sure that love is involved somewhere in the relationship. Maybe I am protraying this as too simplified. Since the large majority of us will not find the one we will spend our futures with until at least 23-25 years of age, is it completely understandable to have fun from the time that we lose our virginities until 23-25, because there's no hope for those relationships lasting anyway.

I would propose something completely different. Since those relationships that we have between those ages have died either peaceful or god awful horrible deaths, they are not any less worthy, because I would contend that they taught us something about what a relationship entails; commitment, patience, compassion, balance, compromise, faith, fun, laughter, anger, fights, etc. Most importantly love and respect. If we can hook up with someone and not ever have to put in the time, effort, and emotion that goes into building a healthy, balanced relationship, how will we ever learn how to, because one day we will meet that person that we want to be with monogomously, yet we've never learned how to weather bad times to get to the good again. So at the first sign of trouble we jump ship, because this isn't what it's supposed to feel like, right?

Also I would contend that love is something that cultivates over time. Yes, of course, I believe in being in love, but I don't believe that you reach a point that you're in love with someone and there's no more growing (feeling-wise). I believe that if you compare two couples that are truly in love with each other, one has only been together a year and the other ten, you will find that the ten year relationship has learned how to love each other in a way that one year simply cannot, and it is no fault of the one, it's something cultivated over time.

In my own personal life, I am with someone that I love and with whom I'm in love. That I have loved for three years, and who I love way more than I did at the beginning. I'm sure, beyond a doubt, that she loves me more today than she did a year ago. We are very different people, even in regards to this subject. I, being more of the "serial monogomist" that she has so aptly named me, and she was more of the "go out and have fun" type, seeing those people who got into relationships as having settled for someone rather than continuing to look. Does it mean that every relationship that I was in before this one I had settled and does it mean that she never learned the ways of a good relationship? Obviously it's not as cut and dry as this post makes it out to be, but nevertheless I wish my generation would question their approach to love and the art of relationships, because I watch too many of my friends relationships fail, not because they weren't good for each other, but because they were, but couldn't weather the pain it takes to grow together.

Still, my question remains the same; how are we to know whether it is love when we don't even wait for the other person to wake before leaving?

Young, once again, even if only for a moment.

This past weekend, I. and I, hung out with T. and his friends, instead of going out. It was a good choice I think. We got the benefits of hanging out with people and at the same time not having to travel. Which since all of our friends live at least 20 exits away, we have to travel any time that we want to see them. Then on Monday night we went to a BBQ. We were actually out of the house! All of our friends were very happy to see that neither of us had died in the last few weeks. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, swimming, smoking (cigs), and generally lots of just hanging out. It was a great time. I found, at some point during the night, a water gun in the shape of a shark. It was the absolute best toy with which I've ever played. I spent about two hours randomly shooting everyone. The aim was amazing and the distance this toy got was well, long to extra long.

July 4th. There's something about the day of Independence that always makes me feel like crying. It's the same thing that happens everytime I hear the National Anthem. Yes, I cry everytime I hear the National Anthem, maybe it's sad but it's true. I feel very overwhelmed with emotion and I think that it might be that I was raised by a family that drilled into me how lucky I really am to be here and to live here, and in the end, I believe it. I think I'm very blessed to live here. There are too many things to list as reasons, so I'll leave it at I'm American and that gives me a sense of place, belonging and pride that maybe people will look at as arrogance or ignorance, but I believe is neither.

In regards to how I. and I celebrated the Fourth of July? We went on a search for hot dogs, and ended up coming back with hot dogs, chef boyardee, and a baseball game for X-Box. So we cooked hot dogs, drank beer, and played virtual baseball. How more American could you get? Oh yeah, we did all of this with the sound of fireworks booming outside the windows. I can't imagine celebrating any other way.

In other, just as exciting news, I think that I. and I are going to go the State Fair tonight with a bunch of friends. I am tres tres excited about this. I worked the State Fair last summer as a Lemonade Squeezer/Sausage Handler. You could day I was playing both sides of the fence, but either way it earned me over 600 dollars for two weeks work! Anyway, so this summer it will be interesting to be on the other side of things; to ride the rides, be a patron, and maybe have my lemons squeezed.