Damn, It's Hard To Be A Lesbian

I think lesbians and probably gay men, although I really can't speak for them, have a really hard time finding really close, good, friends. I know I know, I'll probably get a lot of flack for saying this, but think it over for a second before getting defensive. You're a lesbian and you're choices for friends are; straight girls, gay guys, straight guys, or other lesbians. For a good night out, any of those choices can be a blast, but when it comes to the harsh reality of the world, to whom do you turn?

Let's look over these possibilities one by one and maybe you'll understand from where I'm coming:

Straight girls: The first layer to peel off are the boy crazy ones, they will never get you, period. And even worse you will never get them. Second layer are the straight girls that can't stand to hear you talk about sex, "Sorry but it just freaks me out a little", they may be really cool but when you need to talk about that weird taste or the weird thing your lover asked you to do last night, they aren't going to follow you there. Third layer and maybe the most treacherous, straight girls, who when you talk about gay stuff especially the physical side, move a little closer and raise their eyebrow in that, "I don't know what you're talking about, but I'd be willing to let you show me, especially if I'm drunk." Great, so either we can't relate to them or they want to sleep with us when drunk or alone.

Straight guys: OK, so straight guys can kind of relate to the sex side of things, I mean we're both after the same goal, it's too bad that most of them assume that we're after it with the same girl too. Seriously, what's this macho-ism thing about? Why can't we both like girls and not like the same ones? Just because you're attracted to the girl on the dance floor who's g-string is three inches above her pant line, doesn't mean I am, and it definitely doesn't mean I'm competition. If you can get past the macho-ism factor and somehow convince yourself that he doesn't want to be friends because he is hoping you'll get drunk and conveniently forget he's in the room when you start things with your latest hook-up/girlfriend, then maybe you have a chance. But personally finding a guy like that, I would wonder about his own persuasion and that brings along its own issues, see below.

Gay guys: Some of them are great to be friends with, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, I never wanted a penis and I'm not sure I want to talk about two of them in the same room, naked, with lube and a Kleenex. As for my side of things, most of them would have a very hard time relating to a dental dam. In terms of fun factor, they are close to the top, but as far as closeness, we'll never be that close.

Now to the hardest, in my opinion, other lesbians: There are so many complications. What if you like me and I don't like you back, what if I like you and you don't like me back, what if we don't like each other but the same girl and she only likes one of us, what if I get drunk and try to make out with you and from then on you think I like you and I don't? Too many complications and yet these are the people we get closest too. We have made a group that if in the straight world would be like being friends with all the guys I know and none of the girls, and how complicated would that be? We have no one that 1) will never be attracted to us, and 2) we can talk sex with and it's all good, they understand and they can relate. It's a bitch.

So we do the best we can and we soldier on in this gay world of ours. We become resilient and blunt about honesty in friendships because there can be no confusion over who likes who, or it just gets weird. You become closest to those girls that you think are attractive but you aren't attracted to, who in return don't like you or the same type as you, and you pray that those things never change, no matter how much sangria is involved.