What? Being homosexual isn't a disease? That can't be possible.
I would like you to think back to when you came out. What was your experience? How did your family react? Do they all know now? How did your friends react? How did your friend's parents react? Probably more important than any of this, is how did you react?
I came out at the Union Underground in Austin, TX. I was with my parents. I told them that I thought that I was bi. This was my way of easing them into the whole idea. I was 15 years old. They were shocked, angry, upset, sad, and in disbelief. There would be no easing them into anything, they were building a wall before my very eyes. My mother said that I was being ridiculous and probably acting out my issues with men. Therapy would help.
My father.. its funny actually, I don't remember what he said or did. I think it must have been that bad. So bad that I can't remember him being there, although I know he was. My mom did all the talking, ironic since it was I who was coming out and not my mother, but still she took control and told me how it was going to be. It didn't last very long, I was back in the closet in about 15 minutes. I spent the next year of my life trying to figure out why I had thought I was gay, when my mom told me that it was just problems I was having. I even went so far as dating another girl to figure out what was wrong, well maybe not figure it out, maybe that was just the excuse I used. We hid it from everyone, it was scary and exciting all at the same time. Now looking back at it, it was mostly just hard. Emotional rollercoaster everyday.
After the year had passed and I was still pretty sure of how gay I am, I started to inch back out of the closet, maybe this time if I don't jump out and go "haha, here I am, super gay!", my parents will take it better. Plus a year had passed and if I were still sure that I was gay, they must see it as a sign, right? Nope, just a phase, a very very long phase. While I think my parents and I have never been the same, it's been 8 years and we are moving closer to that point of understanding.
As far as friends were concerned, it was hard because I had no one who was happy and not weirded out. Even those friends that were cool with it, thought it was weird. For pity's sake, even my first two girlfriends thought it was weird! Some friends were friends no longer, some friends (who might have been fine with it) weren't around me because their parents wouldn't allow them anymore, as if when they hung out with me I could give them the gay bug. While I would like to think I can give the gay bug out, I sincerely doubt it.
Of course I went through the phase of wondering if any person I saw was gay. Hanging around coffee shops that were across from gay bars, that I wasn't allowed into yet, just to get a glimpse of a "gay person". Looking up gay things online whenever I was alone at the house. It seemed that instead of my friends catching the gay bug, I had. I couldn't get away from it. I wanted to see, hear, smell, think, and taste gay. That was definitely a phase and it lasted for almost 4 years, to the point where I was sick of being gay, I just wanted to be me.
That's when I came to the point where I am now. I'm gay. I'm happy to be gay. I'm happy to have gay friends and straight ones too. I'm happy that my family and I are getting close again. I'm very lucky in life, and I'm lucky that my life is no longer defined by my being gay, or even more relevant, not being straight.
I came out at the Union Underground in Austin, TX. I was with my parents. I told them that I thought that I was bi. This was my way of easing them into the whole idea. I was 15 years old. They were shocked, angry, upset, sad, and in disbelief. There would be no easing them into anything, they were building a wall before my very eyes. My mother said that I was being ridiculous and probably acting out my issues with men. Therapy would help.
My father.. its funny actually, I don't remember what he said or did. I think it must have been that bad. So bad that I can't remember him being there, although I know he was. My mom did all the talking, ironic since it was I who was coming out and not my mother, but still she took control and told me how it was going to be. It didn't last very long, I was back in the closet in about 15 minutes. I spent the next year of my life trying to figure out why I had thought I was gay, when my mom told me that it was just problems I was having. I even went so far as dating another girl to figure out what was wrong, well maybe not figure it out, maybe that was just the excuse I used. We hid it from everyone, it was scary and exciting all at the same time. Now looking back at it, it was mostly just hard. Emotional rollercoaster everyday.
After the year had passed and I was still pretty sure of how gay I am, I started to inch back out of the closet, maybe this time if I don't jump out and go "haha, here I am, super gay!", my parents will take it better. Plus a year had passed and if I were still sure that I was gay, they must see it as a sign, right? Nope, just a phase, a very very long phase. While I think my parents and I have never been the same, it's been 8 years and we are moving closer to that point of understanding.
As far as friends were concerned, it was hard because I had no one who was happy and not weirded out. Even those friends that were cool with it, thought it was weird. For pity's sake, even my first two girlfriends thought it was weird! Some friends were friends no longer, some friends (who might have been fine with it) weren't around me because their parents wouldn't allow them anymore, as if when they hung out with me I could give them the gay bug. While I would like to think I can give the gay bug out, I sincerely doubt it.
Of course I went through the phase of wondering if any person I saw was gay. Hanging around coffee shops that were across from gay bars, that I wasn't allowed into yet, just to get a glimpse of a "gay person". Looking up gay things online whenever I was alone at the house. It seemed that instead of my friends catching the gay bug, I had. I couldn't get away from it. I wanted to see, hear, smell, think, and taste gay. That was definitely a phase and it lasted for almost 4 years, to the point where I was sick of being gay, I just wanted to be me.
That's when I came to the point where I am now. I'm gay. I'm happy to be gay. I'm happy to have gay friends and straight ones too. I'm happy that my family and I are getting close again. I'm very lucky in life, and I'm lucky that my life is no longer defined by my being gay, or even more relevant, not being straight.
Labels: coming out, gay issues, lesbian
posted by Ramblin' Yank at
10:05 AM
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